I promised you guys a new diary series for Wednesdays since Senorita is done and dusted. Here it is…hope you enjoy this and the coming episodes…God bless you all.
It’s been a while since I rearranged someone’s teeth and I
can’t wait to do it again. How dare they?
Who do they think they are ehn? If I have been living with my parents all my
life, is it your problem? Why are you soaking my garri without permission? Have
I become the TVC news?
 I thought to
myself as I panted and paced the Face Me I Face You quarters that my parents
were privileged to own. In fact, it was my mother, popularly known as Iya
Akinola who toiled day and night to make sure we had a roof over our heads, my
father on the other hand had always been lazy and God forbid that I’ll ever be
like him.

I had been sleeping ooo, jeje, when my relative Jimoh ran
into my room and relayed the news.
“Sister Abose….dem dey yarn ya matter for front of
baffroom ooo…” He said to me breathlessly.
I rolled my heavy frame from the right side of the bed where
I lay to the left side, I wasn’t ready to end my sleep due to some meaningless gossip
by some jobless neighbours. I’m not jobless like they are, at least I assist my
mother in her shop and I have done that for the past fifteen years of my life,
I thought.

“Sister….” Jimoh called out again.

“Jimoh, pesin nor fit sleep for una for dis house?” I snort.

“Dem dey talk say you don reach forty and you never marry!”
He said.

That straw broke the camel’s back! My eyes pop open and I
sit up on my old creaky bed and stare at him in shock.

“Dem talk wetin?”

“Dem talk say you don pursue all de man wey be wan marry you….”
He said.

“Who dey talk dis rubbish? Na who dey open mouth yarn dis
yawa?” I shout, perceiving the foul odour from my breath.

“Na dem Sisi Rita and Titiloye….na dem dey talk am from
front of baffroom…” He said, in reference to our public bathroom.

“Ehn? Dem dey craze? Dem wan craze?” I scream as I pick up
my wrapper from the bed and secure it round my waist and jump down from the

The way Jimoh almost fell to the ground as soon as I jumped
off the bed proved that I was not reducing in size at all. I am thirty-four and
I weigh over two hundred and two pounds but the interesting fact is, I feel so
comfortable in my skin.

“Wia dem dey? Wia dem dey?” I scream repeatedly as I yank
the door to my room open and head out to the public corridor I shared with my
family and about fifteen different families.

“Titiloye! Rita! Una neva hia ween! I go show una today!” I
scream as I run towards the bathroom.
There was no one at the bathroom, but there were abandoned  buckets of water and mismatched slippers
dropped off at different corners which showed that the girls had heard my voice
and ran.
“Make una hia me ooo….if I catch Titiloye and Rita, make
una nor hold me ooo….I go destroy dia cavity, I go rearrange deir organs…
in fact I go deal with dem sotte pesin nor go know say na dem again.” I warn.

No one replied me because the tenants were busying
themselves about their businesses. Some were heading to the toilet with their
small buckets and others were on their way to the public kitchen. One lady,
Mama Shanti spoke to me, she was heavily pregnant and expecting her sixth

“Abosede, abeg clear from road…I wan baff….” She said to
me while holding a pail of water.

“Which wan be, you wan baff? I dey for road?” I spit at her.

“Look na…you block road…” She said indicating at the
small space between my frame and the bathroom door and the fact that I was
positioned at the entrance.

“Ehen! You nor fit wait make I talk wetin I wan talk finish?”
I retort.

“I wan baff abeg, I get shop wey I wan open….if you nor
get work dis morning, I get work.” She says to me.

I grow mad at her words. I grab her by the wrapper which she
had tied around her chest and tug.
“Go thank baba God say you get belle ooo…if not ehn? We
for fight am woman to woman…”

“Abosede! You wan kee me?”

“My mind don set to arrange teeth ooo…I go destroy you
ooo…”I warn.

“Make una come ooo….Abosede wan kee me ooo…” She wailed.

As I expected, no one came close, everyone was afraid of me
and no one dared jump into my nest. I look at the woman and say;

“You don enter my trap ooo….but I go pause, till you born.
Na de day you return from hospital, na dat day I go show you say…Abosede nor
be joke!” I hiss and letting her go, I storm off.

As I walked back to the room my parents had reserved for me
and my siblings who were by the way no longer living with us, I call out.


Jimoh is my relative who has been with us since he was
little over two years old, he was of great help to my parents and to me as

“Ma!” Jimoh replied and ran up to me.

“Go Iya Gbenga place….collect Agege bread four hundred
naira and tell am to put enough butter for inside. Buy two orobo Pepsi join…”
I said to him.

“Sister…money nko?” He asked innocently.

“Tell am say when I dey pass I go drop money…” I say as I
push open the door to my room and enter.
I shut my door behind me and head to the bed, falling on the
creaky furniture in a bid to continue my sleep.

To be continued next Wednesday….



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