Hey Guys,
I’m sorry for not posting yesterday, I was so busy that I couldn’t even open my site. Hope your week started well? It’s Wednesday already, is this
month racing or what?
Today, I’m going to write about an issue that has been
bothering me for quite a while. It’s something annoying and quite rude. It’s the
issue of ‘pressure’.  The pressure to get
married, have children, start a family etc.
Sometime ago, though not too long ago, I was on a chat with
one of my BBM contacts when she said to me, ‘Ada we are waiting ooo’, waiting
for what I asked, not understanding where she was headed, ‘Waiting for your
invitation card na, or don’t you want to get married?’ I was so shocked, ‘is
this girl out of her mind?’ I asked myself. I just sent her a ‘ROTFL’ smiley
and ended the chat, then some months after that, another one asked me via BBM, ‘where
is the lucky guy? Na only you remain ooo…’ 
Excuse me? Do we belong to a club, which suggests that I’m the only one
remaining?  When did we become best buds
that I share secrets with you? When did your married status turn you into a counselor?
Another sent, ‘You are so secretive, I’ve never seen you share your boo’s
picture on your Dp.’ Are you a monitoring spirit?
I have made up my mind that if anyone asks me such question
again, I’ll press the delete button on my phone immediately. What is all this about?
I know that I could be extremely extroverted but when it comes to my private
life, especially one that involves someone else, ‘a man’ I do not talk about
it. I am not one to tell people about my relationship and stuff because I try
as much as possible to respect my friend’s privacy or anyone that I’m in a
relationship with. Again, I see no reason why girls especially those who are
married, have to ask such questions. If I decide to get married today, I’ll
send you an invite but you have no right to invade my personal space all
because you feel you have to. The only friends I ever ask about marriage are
those who are already engaged and who have made it public, I have asked, ‘when
and where’ and most of them haven’t set a date yet while those that have, has
told me but I haven’t pushed further since then.
These issues do not relate to me alone but to many ladies
who aren’t married yet. ‘Oh where is the man? You haven’t presented him to us?
Where is the ring? Blablabla! This is why some desperate girls run to ring
stores to spend their hard earned money to get rings all for the embarrassing questions
to stop. A lady I met confided in me that she had just broken up with her long
term boyfriend who everyone felt she was going to marry and since she couldn’t face
the numerous questions from friends, acquaintances and foes alike, she had to
keep pretending that the relationship was still on, all for them to stay off her back
Now, the newly married ladies are not far from this ‘pressure’.
‘Happy married life dear, can’t wait to see your beautiful babies.’ ‘Dearie,
you guys should get to work fast…it’s better to start immediately, as soon as
you leave the hall, start trying for a baby’ ‘Infact don’t wait for the
honeymoon, get to it on the plane.’ When the ‘hawks’ have waited for you to
get pregnant let’s say for the first three months and want to find out if the
baby bump will be there soon, they’ll ask, ‘Hmmm…how are you coping with
morning sickness? Did you vomit this morning? Pregnancy is a beautiful feeling
ooo, just wait till your baby is in your arms and you’ll forget all the
discomfort.’ ‘Did I tell you how much my baby weighed? He was a staggering four
pounds! Everyone was cheering me on that I am really strong and I wish you
bigger babies too.’ Blablabla!
Why can’t people let their fellow human beings rest? Why
must they ask questions that have no relevance to their personal lives? Would
knowing if Mrs. A is pregnant provide you with three square meals? Or would it
help ease your work at the office?
Pressure is really bad especially when it could have
negative effects on the next person. Never be the one to destroy someone else’s
self-esteem or cause depression to someone. You are doing more harm than good.
It’s different if that person is your bestie or sibling and has decided to
share that part of him/her with you but it’s rude to pry into the life of
someone. It’s not fair! It’s not nice! It’s really bad!
I know how I feel when pressure is mounted on me at work, talk-less
of unnecessary pressure that I do not need! 
I also know that many people do not know what their questions stir in
the lives of their friends or colleagues 
because they feel it’s from a sincere heart but regardless of it all, it’s
best to desist from theses numerous questions which could pressurize someone into
taking a bad and wrong step.
I’ll end this column with a short story of someone I know
even though the person is much older than myself. Here’s her story;
According to her, Fifteen years ago, all her younger sisters
and cousins were getting married, though they were all marrying very young, men
trooped in from near and far for their hands and they all got married except
her. She wanted to feel frustrated but she couldn’t, she felt she didn’t owe anyone
any explanations. Years went by and her cousins and siblings grew in marriage,
birthing children every other year and she was still single. At a time, people
said she was possessed and would not get married again because there was a
strong spirit holding her down. Then, when no one expected it, she got married
and the best thing was, she married the best of them all. Her husband is not
only very influential, wealthy and financially buoyant, theirs is a true love’s
tale. Now they have a beautiful child and honestly, she’s the envy of her
cousins, siblings and friends because, she has more than they ever hoped to
have.
I’m not saying that one should sit still and wait for prince
charming till her hair is grey, all I’m saying is, marriage is a sacred
institution that must be entered with a full knowledge of what lies beneath.
Forget about the lavish weddings, bridal showers, hen’s nights, honeymoons etc.
There are more important facts to think of as regards living with someone for
the rest of your life.
As a friend told me and I quote ‘Eligible women are still
single because men do the proposals in this part of the world and not the women.’
If you are not hitched yet, don’t worry, God’s time for you is the best and
there’s no age limit to marriage.
And as for the issue of pregnancy and child birth, if you
used to wait till two weeks, one month, three months or more after your friends
get married, to ask if a baby is on the way, please stop! Let that friend of
yours share the good news with you herself. And when the baby comes, please pay
a visit bearing gifts and good tidings because every child is a blessing in
his/her own right.
Lest I forget, have you been reading blogs? Do you read stories that are shared by young women who have been trapped in marriages and want out by all means? The rate of divorce is growing increasingly by the day and many couples are praying to be separated from their spouses. I pray that will be no one’s portion. ‘Look before you leap’ is an important essay we had to write in school as children, we didn’t understand it then, but we definitely understand it now.
Prayer is really important and instead of pressuring people or friends, lets instead, pray for them and pray for ourselves too so that we do not enter a marriage that would remove joy from our lives instead of bringing happiness to us. 
I could go on and on about this issue but I’ll stop here for now. Expect Senorita The Lagos Chick in a bit.
Do not hesitate to discuss further on this issue on the
comment section and please share this article. Thank you for reading.
God bless you all immensely.
xoxo

Ada.

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7 COMMENTS

  1. Thanks for sharing Ada.
    somepeople can be super annoying *straight face*
    I got married few months ago and what people keep asking is 'how is Atinuke'. for goodness sake wetin concern them? Some people even call and start asking 'are you pregnant'? people are just annoying.
    I went for a friends wedding and I saw another friend who was and is still pregnant and all she told me was 'you are not a cheerful giver' meaning I haven't given an egg nor received a sperm or something. (well that was how I understood it)
    People can be annoying abeg.
    Greater heights Ada.

    • Yes people can be really annoying especially when they stick their noses into your business. And the worst thing is, the pressure is mostly on the women. God help us.
      Thanks for sharing Anon.

  2. guurrrrll aint that the truth, some folks just dont use that white mass in their head either that or it contains cottage cheese, it just rude and i noticed that with the nigerian community. I am also at a point where i dont tolerate such questions from anyone family included. you dont have the right to make me feel bad for being single cuz it not a disease so i dont hesitate to put them in their lane old, or young if you dont respect yourself i will help you!!!!! i straight told my mom if you are feeling pressured or anxious plz keep praying but dont disturb or try to pressure me better yet keep it to yourself because enough is enough…and if her friends are looking for rice to eat heck visit walmart or hit the market in naija. and then the audacity of some people you dont even know asking that question like if they dont eat your rice and wedding cake then will pass out, i mean will eating my wedding rice and cake fill your stomach up eternally?? like seriously why do they feel like they are entitled to your private business. marriage is for a lifetime why rush into it and be miserable, abeg life is tough enough so my advice is dont bite your tongue if someone has the balls to bring up that bs guess what i will serve it up with a wonderful response and help u get in your lane so next time you dont come to me with that b.s question.

  3. I aff tire oooo! please let them start passing out now ! now!! all dem peeps that dont have my number are now calling and showing concern 'argh"
    I cannot put cup down or eat food well. I just dey hear tips of how to snag dem guys or how can you not have guys , my dear you need to have main, assistant and back up! please how I wan do am. Ada Ada … you are a stress reliever with this post. na God send you come.

    Oya takia and let them be formin Jeremiah the weeping prophet for our sakes.

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